Champa’s Black Sphere

(In Voice Over Of Choice): Today, Champa is in her languid state of body, mind and soul.

“OH NO!” Exclaims the Universe and all those around her that expect/need/require/want her to do things, go places, do more things, meet people, go more places, do more things and meet more people – aaargghhhh – and all that nonsense!”

(In Voice Over Of Choice): “Why all the panic, Universe? What’s the big deal?”

Exasperated, Universe explains:  “Simple.  Because Champa does things, goes places and sees people like no other.”

Champa is one of the best at doing things, going places and seeing people and that’s why Champa is so successful.  Very successful! Her ability to design, plan, organize, communicate, strategize and implement quickly assured her of a rapid climb up the corporate ladder.  The big boss always turns to Champa when the impossible is on the table.  Champa did and does “impossible” fabulously and makes “impossible” quickly and successfully “possible”. It’s what made Champa glorious, both in stature. And presence. And reputation.

Excitedly, Universe adds: “People in the world know Champa as being smart, quick, energetic, and relentless.”

And aggressive, arrogant and assertive.

Formidable, forbidding but unfailingly fair.

Worriedly, Universe proclaims: “There is no way Champa would languish! She doesn’t even know what that is. She’s always on the go! Always! Languish? Never! Impossible with a capital I.”

(In Voice Over Of Choice): “Ummmmmmm….. I hate to break this to you Universe, but Champa definitely knows how to languish.”

Admittedly and actually, only Champa’s very close and dear ones know that Champa is a predominantly lazy human being, one who would trade her homosapien state with a sloth.

A sloth – mind you – that has been adopted by a very loving, rich, loving, famous, loving, indulgent owner.  Champa has become used to nice, soft and comfortable things.

Yes Sir! Have no doubts about this; Champa is a sloth in a human body.  Just look at her now… she’s roaming around her apartment in the briefest of caftans, with not one of her world conquering armor of unmentionables in sight.  Yessiree! Not a Chaddi, Girdle, Slip or Brassier in her line of sight! Just free and lazy!

“Silence, VoiceOverOfChoice! Stop right there! How dare you malign our beloved Champa with these baseless, untrue accusations!” shouts outraged Universe.

“Uuuuuahhauuummm…. Universe?” Injects our beloved Champa. “VoiceOverOfChoice speaketh the truth. It knows me so well! I am in languid mode.”

“hunhh?”  Baffled and a bit lost, Universe brays.

(In Voice Over Of Choice – In a gleefully condescending tone ): “Champa, is a true, quintessential and unadulterated proponent of the languorous mode.”

This was very true.  Champa is always on the lookout for the opportunity to – what’s the word? – chill.  You know, Relax?  Champa has been known to philosophize with her near and dear ones on what needs doing and what doesn’t.

On many an occasion – too many some say – Champa has been known to declare,  “why do anything if you, the people around you, and the universe at large can do without the thing being done?”

“Oh-Oh.  Something is terribly wrong!” Frets uptight Universe “This is not our Champa! What’s happened to Champa?

“Chillax Universe”, chimes cheerful Champa from her prone position on the sofa.  “Everything will fall into place at its own time.”

(In Voice Over Of Choice): “In reality, Champa is cutting it a bit close! A huge risk to her impeccable performance record”

Because today, at present time, Champa should be agonizingly stressed with only a couple of days before that market report is due, which she should have been working on over the past couple of months, and today, at present time, only 20% is completed and today, at present time, it’s two days to the submission deadline!

So, there it is!  Champa is a true procrastinator at heart.  And body.  And mind. And Soul.

And not only is she a procrastinator, she is a CHRONIC procrastinator!

It unsettles the world, but somehow things fall into place for her.

On time!

Always!

Even when she decides to take on her sloth avatar at the most inopportune time!

It’s been said that Champa prays fervently calling on the powers of all three hundred and thirty million bhagwans.

Along with heavy duty bribery thrown in to the mix.

Like now.

At Present Time.

Today.

With only 48 hours to submit the 100-page in-depth report!

It all somehow, falls into place!

Granted, it becomes crazy. At these times, famously called the “Why Do I Do This days” (referencing her procrastination), Champa is frazzled, and high wired on coffee, and chocolate and self-recrimination, and negotiations with the deities and more self-recrimination and more French fries and more chocolate and more prayers (with an injection of “please please  pleeeeeaaasssseeee Gods! Help me! I’ll never do this again! Never”).

And during the “Why Do I Do This days”, Champa has also been known to get on the befuddled and nonplussed side.

Like getting into somebody else’s car thinking it’s her own and then wondering why the driver looks different!

Or the time she almost averted a “bump into” Good Looking Male Species by ducking behind a piddly palm tree and trying to make herself very very small. Unfortunately, during these trying “Why Do I Do This days” days, Champa somehow manages to don an Einstein look, with her thick, long, curly tresses taking on a perfect frazzled halo shape around her skull.

And there ain’t no palm tree worth it’s fronds that can camouflage that black sphere from any angle!

So, Good looking male species sees her, and Champa being the poised, successful, perfectly stylish executive that she is, goes into panicked ostrich mode and tries to bury her head into the pot of the now traumatized piddly palm tree. Which results in Good Looking Male Species greeting Champa’s derrier.

Yes, “Why Do I Do This days” can get ugly for Champa.

And humiliating.

 

It’s the price for being a sloth in a human’s body.  The going rate of procrastinating.

Full on humiliation in the personal life arena while at work, that report not only makes deadline, but rocks a proper platinum record rock and roll tune!

“Siggggghhhhhh of Relief” is released by Voice Over Of Choice and Universe.

And Champa! Huge Sigh of Relief! And all the while, stripping off her blasted 3 inch heels, business suit and unmentionables, in succession as she walks into her blissfully comfortable abode.

Through the Hall/Living Room.  Where the drapes in the living room are wide open.

Windows of which face into the next apartment block. Looking directly into the living room of…

Good Looking Male Species.

Who is leaning against his living room floor to ceiling window.

Which Looks directly into Champa’s Living Room.

“BLLLLLiiiiiiiiimmmmmmeeeyyyyyyyyyyy” screams an almost naked, Champa.

Ducking behind her very piddly cactus.

And there ain’t no cactus worth its needles that can camouflage – from any angle –  the black sphere, and everything attached to it .. Ahem!

The price of slothism and procrastination paid in full!

Till. The. Next. Time.