(In Voice Over Of Choice): Being a great fan of Social Media, Champa was currently on an addiction high. Her poison of choice: Facebook.
“Why?” Asks the Universe
(In Voice Over Of Choice): It’s simple really. It’s because Champa loves meeting new people (usually through other people that she may or may not know), and learning new things from those wise sayings that people post (so enlightening neh?), and finding out about who is dating whom (usually through an irate ex posting insulting remarks), and who has a dalliance with whom (again, the ‘between the lines ‘cribbing’) and best of all, it’s the legal way to gossip without really being labeled a gossip, not that Champa gossips!
“Really?” Doubtfully asks the Universe
(In Voice Over Of Choice): Of course! Champa never Gossips. Bad manners to gossip, it is! Champa exchanges ideas and events.
You see, you have to know that Champa is a social butterfly at heart, with a strong sense of culture. Born and bred in East Africa to East Indian origin parents, and educated in Canada, Champa is a colorful, if sometimes shy woman, with an untimely flirtatious nature that has a habit of appearing at the most inopportune times. Like with the holy man at the memorial dinner. The poor guy looked lonely and removed and lonely brings out the best googly eyes in Champa. Holy man had no chance against the famous Champa googly eyes, and succumbs… only to the have Champa abandon the almost now unholy man to move on to the next incongruous victim – a happily married distinguished, very stuffy diplomat. Champa loves stuffy. Stuffy brings out Champa’s best flirty googly eyes AND jiggly jiggles. Mind you, all this is done very innocently and endearingly. Just the right amount of endearing and innocence for stuffy diplomat to finally melt and capitulate undiplomatically, only to have Champa abandon him to transfer her attentions to next victim. Champa, when it came down to it, in real life was a true ditz when dealing with the opposite sex – especially if they did not mean much to her – and quite unaware of the hurricane type effect she left trailing behind her when the flirty takes over.
You see, this obliviousness came from a deep dark secret – you can say – a behavior weakness, or even phobia – that Champa has held close to her heart for most of her adult life. Having attained the glorious age of 35 years, the past 20 years have been torturous.
You see, Champa becomes completely tongue tied, crossed eyed and brain bugged in the presence of a good-looking male. Any good-looking man! Champa’s brain stops functioning, and her elbows start itching. Just last week, she literally bumped into Beautiful Male Species. Unintentionally. By mistake! A body-to-body bump! The following conversation ensues:
Champa (has as yet, not looked at bumped into victim and immediately offers, “I’m so sorry!” and looks up.
There she sees Beautiful Male Species. OMG! She has bodily bumped into Beautiful Male Species that she has been avoiding for weeks! Years actually!
“My Fault. Hi Champa”, Beautiful Male Species offers
“I am fine”, replies Champa
“How are you?” asks Beautiful Male Species, a bit perplexed
“Hi!” blubbers Champa, followed by a precise military style about-turn that would make a military general proud, and proceeds to scamper away like a loose canon.
(Voice Over Of Choice Continues) : Yes, Champa had major interaction problems with the beautiful male species. It was not good! Not good at all…especially for a 35 year old professional!
Hence the importance for Champa to balance her “electronic life” and “human Life” interactions. In real life – Ditz. On Facebook – very smart diva. And the two shalt rarely marry, especially in presence of Beautiful Male Species.
On Facebook, Champa is able to be her true intellectually stimulating self, expressing views eloquently and humorously. The freedom of being what one wants to be, and what one is, is what appeals to Champa about the world of electronically managed social media ; that she can be herself – open and vicarious, as well being able to be inconspicuous when looking for anonymity.
And, Facebook allows Champa to “meet” all sorts of people – including Beautiful Male Species – without having to spend time and effort on getting all dolled up for food and drinks and the human contact. Champa does not need the stress of having to be sexy, and upbeat all of the time, especially in an uncontrollable environment where Beautiful Male Species can pop up at any time. Without any notice! And as Champa often belligerently asks:
“WHO? Name two people that are not in that Kardashian clan that have the energy and spirit to artfully slap on a ton of very expensive make-up, squeeze into some spandex type under body shaper thing, and a beautiful dress over it, while teetering on killer (no pun intended) shoes, every single day, or even three times a week. Who? Whoever they are, they are freakos, or in their 20’s – the age of mind numbing torture that is part of the life skills experience journey.”
(Voice Over Of Choice Returns) :
And Champa has now realized that she has bigger problems than fitting herself into the straightjacket disguised as a body shaper, aka girdle!
Beautiful Male Species, one that Champa bodily bumped into, who is also an FB friend, has just asked if Champa is attending the dinner party for which Champa is diligently squeezing her curvy hourglass figure into a bit too slim fitting dress for!
“BLIMEY!” Exclaims Champa, while brain diligently shuts down at the same speed proportion as hormones going haywire.